My entire life, I have had a curious mind. I clearly recall the day I touched the burner on the stove because I wanted to know why it was glowing. I learned very quickly that it glowed because it was hot. I also learned that touching something hot did not feel good. "Kids' brains are constantly connecting stimuli or thoughts. "And as they're making these mental connections, they're seeking more information and clarification by way of questioning." (Berger, 2014, pp. 40-41). I made connections by asking questions and learned that the stove's glowing burner was hot and hurt when I touched it.
Although the experience of experimenting to find out why the burner glowed was a painful introduction to asking questions, I continue to question to this day. I've had times when asking questions made me think twice about being inquisitive. I worked for a retail company that held an annual Store Manager Meeting where the home office employees created a parody video of a recent movie themed around our employees and business. The employee playing me in the parody had one line, delivered in a snotty tone, "Why? Why are we doing it that way?"
The author circa 1980, when she learned about stove burners being hot.
First, I was embarrassed because I took this to mean that people hated that I asked so many questions. Then, I became curious, why didn't they like me asking questions? Was it true that they did not want me asking questions? In his book, A More Beautiful QuestionWarren Berger discusses how Clayton Christenson, a Harvard Business School professor, believes people are taught theory but not how to question (p.137). Maybe no one had trained or led the home office employees to question. Or maybe, I wasn't asking the correct type of questions.
I never found out why the home office employees wrote the parody about me that way; I could only make assumptions. As I moved into another company, I continued to ponder why asking questions seemed to ruffle their feathers. Berger mentions four reasons that cause people to avoid asking, and two resonated with me in this situation. He notes that people want answers, not questions, and are wary of asking questions because there may not be any good answers. Maybe those home office employees felt defensive because I wasn't questioning processes but their expertise.
Looking back on the situation, I think I was causing people to become defensive when asking questions because the questions were fair but not the right questions. "Knowing the right questions to ask is difficult (so better not ask at all)" (Berger, 2014, p.183). I wasn't afraid of asking questions; I wasn't asking the correct ones.
As I progressed in my career and had more opportunities to ask questions, I worked through the process of learning how to ask the right questions. "You don't just "find" answers to complex life problems (or any type of complex problem, including business ones). You work your way, gradually, toward figuring out those answers, relying on questions each step of the way" (Berger, 2014, p.184).
A video by the author about the question "why?"
I started observing coworkers that asked questions without people getting defensive. I asked myself, "what are they doing differently than me?" and "what if I try a new approach to questioning?". I started asking questions differently to coworkers. Instead of asking why something didn't get accomplished, I asked, "what roadblocks did you encounter during this project?". The response was positive, and I learned, little by little, to ask the right questions at the right time. Berger (2014) writes, "Questioning is a classic case of the more you do it, the easier it gets" (p.187).
Throughout my life, I have wondered how to use questions to guide myself in new learning. I've also used questions to help guide my employees. Questioning has helped to lead employees to see their strengths. Even when something goes wrong in a project, asking what went right keeps them from getting caught up on what went wrong. It also helps the employees to see what they should continue doing in the future and what they can build on. Berger (2014) highlights this approach as "appreciative inquiry," or asking what is there or good, versus not there and not good (p.190).
Asking questions has served me well. It helps me connect with my employees, friends, family, and myself. I am not afraid to hear the answer to a question, as knowing an answer will prompt more questions. Many people ask questions to find an answer; I ask questions to learn and grow so I can ask more beautiful questions.
References and Image Credits
Artabasy, K. (n.d.) Karen Artabasy around the age when she burned her finger on the stove. [Photograph]. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1NmXrFol85h2ctcehEGpRdNnrOMfGypDK/view?usp=sharing
Artabasy, K. My Sentence. [Unpublished assignment for CEP 810/811/812]. Michigan State University.
Berger, W. (2014). A More Beautiful Question - The Power of Inquiry to Spark Breakthrough Ideas. Bloomsbury Publishing. https://amorebeautifulquestion.com/book-a-more-beautiful-question/
Berger, W. (2022) A More Beautiful Question. [Website]. https://amorebeautifulquestion.com/
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